Don't pretend, as you read this, that it isn't fear of embarassment that drives you to succeed. It isn't getting the A+ on the paper that motivates us. Rather, what motivates us is the peeping Tom sitting next to you (or in this case, sitting in front of his computer) who may or may not scough at a D. What motivates us is knowing that what's on the line is more than just your life; it's your reputation, it's your dignity, it's your happiness, it's your sanity.
Thomas Fuller once said that "some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away." I agree, and so, I'm sure, would Tim O'Brien. Mr. O'Brien is a man that sat on the edge of the rubicon river (or was it the rainy river?) and weighed his options. He stood between Canada and Vietnam. It was death or death. One death is literal, one figurative. He says of the figurative:
"and what was so sad, I realized, was that Canada had become a pitiful fantasy. Silly and hopeless. It was no longer a possibility. Right then, with the shore so close, I understood that I would not do what I should do. I would not swim away from my hometown and my country and my life. I would not be brave. That old image of myself as a hero, as a man of conscience and courage, all that was just a threadbare pipe dream." (57).
The irony here comes with O'Briens definition of the brave course of action: going to Canada. But why?
Yes, Vietnam is a risk and, true, one may never leave alive. However, if one does survive they can still return home to some semblance of the life they once knew. Canada, on the other hand, means a very real point of no return and a very real new beginning. Canada means leaving your unsupportive father and picking up hockey as a new hobby. Canada means goodbye to a best friend's I love you's and hello to your new oot and aboot neighbor. Canada means trading Grandma and Auntie Tess for Wayne Gretzky and Celine Dione.
Alright, just kidding about that last one... but seriously.
Choosing Vietnam, though, only means putting that now supportive father, that best friend's i love you's, Grandma, and Auntie Tess up as collateral in exchange for a gun and a few new brothers, each willing to take a bullet for you. Aside from your life (and maybe your mind) what do you really stand to lose?
The answer is quite simply, nothing. You have a home that will still feel like a home even if it's on the other side of the world. You have a family that still loves you even if it's on the other side of the world. You have hope. Hope is the blanket that you can wrap yourself in when bullets fly and the night is dark and oh so cold. It is hope that inspires your next breath. The absence of hope is fear. The absence of hope is Canada. Therefore, by the transitive property of mathematics (and of blogger rationalization) fear is Canada and Canada is fear. It would take more courage to go to Canada and face your fears than it would to go to Vietnam and cling to hope.
At least when you have hope you want to take your next breath. You know?
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6 comments:
i don't know if i necessarily agree with the idea of canada being fear, but i see your point. i feel canada more as weakness, the easy way out. in canada you reside in physical safety, but perhaps not safety of the mind. his mind would have been spinning endlessly for nights on end. what if what if what if? he would would have driven himself crazy with the unknown. so o'brien chose challenge, and ventured into the unknown.
A wonderful post CagesOrWings. I find it interesting you said "all you have to lose is maybe your mind or your life." Human beings are the only creatures on the planet that commit suicide. The only exceptions are domesticated or captive animals refusing to eat and thus starving to death, but even in those cases humans are involved.
Let's make John Lennon's words undeniably true for a moment. "Imagine there's no heaven." If somehow a scientist proved to you beyond any shadow of a doubt that there was no afterlife, would death appear a more daunting consequence that before?
Self-preservation is an innate (and some argue the only innate) human instinct. Yet through religious, social, medical and pharmaceutical enhancements life has been devalued and people are more willing to throw theirs away.
Just some of my opinions... sparked by your entry.
Interesting insight. I noticed O'Brien's choice of the word "coward" when describing himself going off to war, and was intrigued as to his reasons for doing so. Most people would see desertion as the more cowardly act, because fighting for your country is considered one of the highest honors. However, if, as in the case of Vietnam, you are going to fight a war whose cause you do not know or do not agree with, cowardice may be letting the popular opinion affect your decision. O'Brien did not want to fight, and he did not really understand what Vietnam was all about. Still, he could not bring himself to enter into Canada, which as you pointed out, represents the unknown and his personal "Rubicon." If he had run off to Canada to escape the war, his reputation would have been ruined, and all those patriots back home would have considered him a disgrace.
I think, perhaps, returning from war is not so easy as you make it sound. Home won't necessary still feel like home. Your friends and family may not still be there for you. They may not be able to understand your nervous ticks or the guilt you feel for death of a fellow soldier. I think everyone should read Cinderella's post and see that war changes you.
Well CagesorWings29 I think you made some valid points. Ever seen the movie Donnie Darko? That crazy teacher would disagree with you and say that the absense of fear is LOVE. I disagree with her...as did Donnie, and we all know how that ended up.
Anyway
Couldn't both Vietnam and Canada be fear? You make an excellent argument, because Canada is like you said, the obvious form of it. He's afraid, so he flees to Canada. However I would not distance myself from the idea that facing those flying bullets and cold nights would not make me fearful, even with my blanket of hope. Canada does not require hope, only a consistent useage of the word "eh."
I think your title is so sadly appropriate to so many of the struggles that the men have as they make decisions that will change the rest of their lives.
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